She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Watching her eat just hurts me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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