giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
