'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
