you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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