I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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