You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
