Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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