i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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