well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
