The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
