My underwear smells like fireworks.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
