who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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