My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
