Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
