I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize