I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
