I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize