All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
