i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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