Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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