grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
