I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
