He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Why is your signature on my underwear?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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