I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That was before I lit my hair on fire
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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