all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
