i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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