He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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