Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
