After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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