im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
