dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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