I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
