I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am available for nakedness
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
