She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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