He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
