i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
