I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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