We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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