I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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