Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
