and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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