I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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