I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
