I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
