So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
