I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i think my cat just said my name.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
