And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We left the knife in your bed.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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