Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
