letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dear god my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
