The maid of honor just puked.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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