your thong is hanging out like whoa
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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