Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My vagina is officially offended.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
