No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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