After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
