1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Apparently you make a good broom.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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