I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
4 words: hood of his car
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Randomize
