i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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