she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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