Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We have so much sex to catch up on
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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