apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
