tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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