Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
