I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
