I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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