So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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