Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
