my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
