haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
