how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
