I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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