Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
